Lately life, with every up and down, kindles in me the desire for a drink. It’s not as cut and dry as just alcoholism. It’s not just wanting a drink for the rum’s sake, not just the liberation of carefree numb. It’s wanting to be normal. It’s a longing for escape, but not the expected […]
Tag Archives: alcoholism
March
02
I Believe In “Never Again”
posted by redeemedsocialite
It can be overwhelming to look into the face of addiction and vow “never again.” I remember when I left Dallas headed for rehab in New York. My intention was that I would be gone from the city and people that I loved for the minimum required stay of 6 months and then I would […]
January
02
I want to drink. (I do not drink).
posted by redeemedsocialite
People congratulate me when they see me out with a kombucha or other non-alcoholic drink in hand. “Still not drinking, huh?” No matter who it is that’s asking, they always sound a bit surprised and mildly impressed. While at first it was tiring, I understand now that they do not sound surprised because they expected […]
December
24
Lessons I Keep Relearning
posted by redeemedsocialite
There are a few lessons I keep learning again and again. No matter how many times I argue myself out of the following truths, they don’t become any less true. I may as well just stop trying. It’s time to face the facts. 1. Procrastination is not worth it. The truth is, I really do relax […]
October
30
Kicking and Screaming Sobriety
posted by redeemedsocialite
Kicking and screaming sobriety, that’s what this is. I normally end relationships that are this difficult. If I have to work this hard to make you stay, we’re probably better off going in our separate directions, know what I mean? I wrestle with my personality when I’m sober. I have expectations of myself that are […]
October
29
Me & the Mrs.
posted by redeemedsocialite
If there has ever truly been a time when there was a tug of war between my self-control and my desire to be completely obliterated it is now. I cannot remember another point when my emotions and my desire to drink were so completely connected before, and I was so aware of it. I can […]
September
13
addiction felt organic
posted by redeemedsocialite
Addiction felt organic. Like I went back in time, to when people worried about the basic needs: food, shelter and warmth. Addiction feels like that, like modern society’s only solution to returning to that level of simplicity, except the basic needs change – to money and drugs.
July
22
every story has a beginning
posted by redeemedsocialite
I have not loved every moment of my journey. I don’t, in fact anticipate loving every moment of what is to come. But I do thank God for every step, every turn and every fall. I thank God for allowing each moment that brought me to this very one. There are certain things I know; […]
